


The Avengers vs. Grocery Shopping

by kuro



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Fluff and Crack, Gen, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-29
Updated: 2014-05-29
Packaged: 2018-01-27 02:01:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1710890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuro/pseuds/kuro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Avengers go grocery shopping. (That is never a good idea.) </p><p>Tony calls Rhodey for help, because who else would he call?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Avengers vs. Grocery Shopping

**Author's Note:**

> Anonymous prompt from tumblr: The Avengers going grocery shopping.
> 
> Thanks to inukagome15 for the beta of the first version (and encouraging me to add to it)!

Rhodey caved in when his phone started ringing for the second time. He answered it, already cursing himself for being so weak.

“ _Rhodey, save meeeee!_ ” came Tony's voice over the line. 

“What is it _now_?” Rhodey asked, not bothering to hide the annoyance in his voice. He had known it would end like this. With Tony, it always ended up like this.

“ _They wanted to go grocery shopping_ ,” Tony whined.

“You should know better than that by now,” Rhodey reminded him. “Where's Sam?”

“ _He had to work today_ ,” Tony answered in an apologetic tone. 

Great, no Sam. Tony wasn't able to keep them in line on the best of days, and without Sam, the whole thing would invariably end in disaster.

“Send me your coordinates, I'll be over soon,” Rhodey promised.

“ _Oh Rhodey Bear, what would I do without you_ ,” Tony sighed. Rhodey only rolled his eyes and hung up. 

* * *

 

For one short, blissful moment, Rhodey considered showing up in his  ~~ War Machine ~~ Iron Patriot armour, but then he sighed and took his car instead. It would only give these idiots ideas. 

Rhodey had thought he'd known what he was getting into when he became Tony's friend. He had known that being friends with Tony would mean phone calls at the most inconvenient times, having to constantly get Tony's ass out of trouble, and Tony vanishing in the workshop to blow stuff up for days, if not weeks.

Then Tony got abducted, and everything changed. Now, Tony did not only get himself in constant trouble, he got himself in MAJOR constant trouble. Rhodey had had the short illusion that Tony giving him the War Machine armour would make things better, but that illusion had been very short-lived. And then the thing with the hole in space had happened. (Rhodey would never, ever tell Tony how scared he'd been once he had realised just what was Tony was planning to do. And that he still felt guilty because he had been ordered to stand down, having to watch helplessly how aliens had attacked New York.)

The Avengers hadn't come together immediately after that, and Tony and Rhodey had had a few team-ups to save the world (as usual). Still, slowly but surely, they had gravitated towards each other. Birds of a feather, and all that. Rhodey had somehow found himself in the middle of it, mainly due to Tony's insistence to keep the Avengers as pets.

Sam and Rhodey's meeting had been nearly inevitable, and it had been something like love at first sight. Two men who loved flying and liked to risk their lives to save their friends asses, bonding over the sheer level of crazy. It was almost magical (if you ignored the 'crazy' part), and it had been such a relief to see that at least _one_ of the Avengers was an actual well-adjusted human being.

Seriously, compared to the rest of the Avengers, Tony was a meek little kitten. A kitten with no teeth, because he didn't have the Avengers under control _at all_.

* * *

 

Rhodey found them almost immediately. By the time he arrived, Tony was basically in tears and latched on to Rhodey, apparently not planning to let go ever again. Rhodey patted his back, surveying the disaster zone.

Steve was busy glaring at the price tags and lecturing every passing customer on personal responsibility when shopping. Towering over them, telling them how unhappy he was that people wasted so much food, and that they bought anything without caring where it came from and how it had been produced. Then he went on a tangent about food stamps and how poor families were not even able put some healthy greens on the table. Most of his suddenly cornered victims were looking at him like he was some kind of lunatic, and were trying to slowly edge away while frantically nodding to everything he said.

Thor was trying to gather every last coffee bean the shop had to offer (he had become a severe coffee addict but only scoffed at Tony's 'superior quality' coffee). He had developed a particular love for instant coffee, trying out and comparing every brand he could his get his hands on, driving Tony positively mad. (Rhodey found it pretty gross as well, but who was he to disagree with a demigod?)

Natasha and James were busy discussing alcohol and which brand of vodka would serve their (probably evil) purposes best, while making allusions to past missions Rhodey really didn't want to know about. Most shoppers didn't even make it into hearing distance, though, since they took on look down the aisle the two of them were standing in and decided that they really needed to be somewhere else, _now_.

Clint was gathering all the sweets he could get his hands on, but he had somehow gotten the idea that he was playing the lava game, and was climbing over the shelves to reach them. He was also scaring the shoppers, who probably got the shock of their lives when someone suddenly appeared on the shelves above them.

Bruce was still the most normal out of all of them, but even he was standing in the vegetable section, comparing different kinds of lettuce with each other and murmuring incomprehensible things. It was not a good look on him.

Rhodey cleared his throat.

“TWO MINUTES!” he shouted, and for a second, everything went silent inside the grocery store. Then there was a sudden flurry of activity, and two minutes later, all the Avengers were standing in line at the checkout with their items in tow, getting glared at by the cashier.

“Rhodey, my hero!” Tony sighed and batted his eyelashes at him.

“Why do I refuse to get paid for this shit,” Rhodey murmured to himself, pulling out his phone to send a text to Sam. He might not accept money for this nanny business he had pulled up, but he refused to suffer alone.

_Drinks tonight, usual place, usual time._

Two seconds later, his phone beeped.

_What did they do now???_

Rhodey grinned and herded his colourful flock of sheep back to the Tower.

**Author's Note:**

> Visit me on [tumblr](http://kurowrites.tumblr.com).


End file.
